Happy Birthday to me...

Today is my Birthday, i dislike having Birthdays, i feel odd! Only because all attention is on me and i dont like that.
I try and treat it as a normal day! Love Xmas but dislike my Birthdays!
Prob because im reminded that im getiing older!
Anyway Happy Birthday to me......

Health,Appearance and Cleavage!

Today i go out for the 3rd time with my CBT Therapist, its going well, altho ive not had a true test yet- just taking small baby steps.
Had a bit of a mixed emotion week, ive been a bit paranoid over my health, just general worrying, but magnify that by 10x in my own head.
Although ive also picked my self up in regards to how i feel overall, ive been making an effort to dress better, as i find when i have my "bad weeks", i dress like such a tramp! Ie: Tracksuit bottoms/3 quater pants, and i just look like ive made no effort at all and would realy fit in with the tramps in town, all id need is a bottle of wine (haha). So out come my tight tops, high waisted jeans, and killer high heels and i feel much better. I also crimped my hair this week- Pic Above.
Wicked or what!! <3
Oh and 10/10 for my above cleavage- if anything is good about putting weight on, its that my bangers go massive :)

Word for word..

I have pinched this off someone elses blog as i feel i could have written it myself - altho i have changed a few words to fit myself.....

Thanks to the person who i pinched it off, you know who you are. (I wont make it public unless you want me to), xxx.

I DISLIKE MYSELF (ugly, fat, cellulite, horrible person, scarred, agoraphobic, mental health problems) > FRUSTRATED (because i hate my life/myself, but too scared to change) > ANGRY (because i am stuck like this and that i can't seem to improve, so i start projecting my anger outwards) > SCARED (that Danny will leave me if i dont get better) > INSECURE (that Danny will leave me because i am all of these things above) > JEALOUS (of gorgeous women that he comes in contact with) > UNTRUSTING (why would he remain faithful when i am such a fucking digusting/horrible/ugly bitch- Altho this one isnt to bad as if he ever did this i would string him up by his bolloks) > DISLIKE MSYSELF.....

It's a fuck off huge vicious cycle.

---

Odd Attack

Last night around 10.30pm i had an attack, this was odd because of a few reasons.

1) I was just listening to the radio when it happened, but i was listening to a tragic story so maybe thats what triggered it??
2) It was the same as per usual- shakes etc but i didnt feel 100% afraid as i usually do, but 90%- You prob wont get that but i do..
3) Im convinced i need a new mattress as mine is far to hard and gives me NO comfort!
4) I only had my last attack 2 weeks ago- i shouldnt have had one for at least another 2 weeks!
5) Im also beginning to see a pattern, its weekends when i have my attacks FRI-SUN, not in the week.

ODD!!

Attack.....

I had a full on attack last night- lasted around 2 1/2 hours.

Usual effects- shakes/sweats and shits. lol.

Started at 10.15 ended around 12.30-1pm.

Think i also know my trigger.........

Feeling ok today, again i will now allow myself to dwell on it...

Yay

Just wanted to note for my own personal reasons, i went the shop again today on my own, with no phone call to Danny (my dad got the waffle this time) haha. On the way back i was a 7/10 anxious, but i coped with it. :)

OMG i just had a physic reading..

I just had a reading and 90% of it is SPOT ON.

You were born into the Green Ray and travel with the Spirit of Evolution! You create harmony and balance (for example; a group of three women would need you to balance things out and not turn it into a three is a crowd type of thing). You have great compassion for others and have a healing energy as you allow people to tell you their problems. There is a gentle strength in you that others can see.

There is a hyperactive side to your character. I also feel that you can get confused and feel disorientated at times and you find it difficult to concentrate.

You love big wide open spaces and definitely need to make more time to go and visit them.

The image that I have done for you tells me how huge your heart is and how your love and compassion helps so many people. You are a great person to be around and always put a smile on someone?s face. You communicate with people well and are happy to go anywhere. You have such a free spirit; it is hard to hold you down. The number 3 is significant to you. I feel a circle of 3 as well.

You have such an open and loving character and unfortunately people have taken that for granted and I feel that you have been incredibly hurt. Enough tears have been shed now. It is time to learn about your spirit and concentrate on yourself and allow the ripple effect to begin.

You need to look after your body and start nourishing it; I feel you are not taking enough care of yourself. Stop worrying about your weight and stop idolizing skinny movie stars! A healthy diet, teamed with exercise is the quickest way to build self-esteem and boosting your energy levels.

I feel that you have a spiritual path ahead of you and that some of the people around you may not like it. I understand that it is hard to stand by your beliefs when someone is ridiculing them but be assured there will be enough support around you to just let those negative comments pass you by. Remember that your beliefs are the essence of yourself. Choose them with wisdom, honesty and courage.

I feel that you are really having a rough ride at the moment and feel as frightened child watching a horror movie. Please see fear as an illusion and when you defeat it you will be able to live life freely. Do you want to spend every day feeling scared like the child watching the horror movie behind the cushion? Or do you want to stand up to fear, laugh in its face and watch it fizzle into a pathetic heap of nothingness? Life can seem scary, it really truly can. But only because you let it. Ask yourself what you would be doing today if you weren?t afraid? You know that you have strength, you can be brave and powerful, it?s time to show the world what you are made of. See fear as an illusion and your dreams will become real.

Now, I wish to speak about Inner Peace. The Tibetan goddess Tara whose name means star comes to me and brings you peace and patience. Her symbols are the Lotus Flower and the Third Eye. Tara brings it to my attention that you are whizzing through life way too fast and not stopping to enjoy the good stuff along the way. You need to learn how to calm down and stay centred, so that you can get through any situation with a smile on your face. Remember this: Everything in life happens for a reason and it happens at exactly the right time. So what?s the point in being a stress head? Tara is watching over you and she knows that you are on the right path, experiencing all that you need to experience.

We recommend breathing deeply to keep you calm and relaxed! In through your nose and out through your mouth. Do this until your stress has dissolved into whispy little clouds of happiness.

Spend your days in perfect peace and your journey will be joyful.

Love, Light & Healing,