Wednesday, 31 December 2008

My Family...


I just want to mention that family is so precious to me..... When the effort is made, the pay off is priceless!

<3 Mum & Dad
<3 Brother
<3 Sister
<3 Danny
I feel really anxious tonight, prob a 7 out of 10..... New Year bugs me for a few reasons.
1)I worry i will have an attack and then my 2009 will be full of them, it wouldnt be nice to start the year off with one would it...
2) I havent set any resolutions as yet..
3)Danny had a drink, an i told him to have nomore (just in case)- Just incase what exactly??? u tell me... Im just gettin alot of negative thoughts.

I will prob be asleep even before the New Year sets in.. BUT... Danny wont and i feel selfish letting him spend it on his own without wishing him a good 2009.. That makes me feel sad...

I could go on listing but i wont as its only depressing! Bed-time soon and to wtch "meet the fockers"- Gotta love NYE Tv. lol

To all that read this though, i hope you have a great 2009- all the best and live ur life to the full...
xxx

And to my Danny: If you ever read this, i love you and lets make 2009 a happy positive Year...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Panic/anxiety moments..

Ok so last night and today i had a few dodgy moments, not had full on attacks but a few mini ones....
Seeing my CBT man a week today, i want it to hurry up as i have a list of questions i need to ask.
Xmas was going well up until the 27th when i had to go to Danny's Mum's house in Chester (40mins away), i lasted 3 hours then paniced for the next hour and half, god it was AWFUL, and it really knocked my confidence alot.. However my Dad told me to stay positive but its really hard when ppl around you are being ignorant an making you feel really shitty! As i was made to feel bad bottom line! But i have moved on from that feeling now and im looking ahead!

Another anxious day tho today, In Tescos i had to leave after 10mins and sit in car, couldn't get a signal to call Danny so wasnt happy at all!!!

I will try and put the vids up i took.... However im new so this may take a while. lol

Hopefully i will have a nice relaxing night, i also bought a bottle of wine tonight for New Year, i dnt drink but im gonna at least make a toast with Danny for it to be a good Year for me, as i normally never make resolutions etc but this year i think i may just do some!! :)

Saturday, 27 December 2008

All i have to say right now is:

XMAS IS CANCELLED FOR NEXT YEAR!!!!

I have had the worst day ever, i think i came close to a nervous breakdown.. Im so upset and i dont wanna explain why just yet as it will only upset me all over again..

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Merry Xmas!!

Wow Xmas tomorrow... im a tiny bit excited and also a tiny bit aprehensive... i just hope i get through these next 4 days ok... Xmas day at folks, boxing day at home with family visiting, day after at mum in laws in chester (40min drive) then day after pub for a few drinks/something to eat with friends......... So like i said hope i get through it okay.

All done now this end, wrapping presents- done, food prepared-done, beer bought-done..
Oh i only have my nails to do which i'll do later tonight!
Oh i did a packet trifle last night- lets just say im thankful my Mum is doing the one from scratch that i was going to do. lol lets just say i aint no Nigella.

So from me to you...... MERRY XMAS! :) XXXXXXXX

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Make someone happy.....

Make someone happy today!

  1. Smile.
  2. Help them carry something.
  3. Send a thank-you email.
  4. Call just to see how they’re doing.
  5. Pick them flowers.
  6. Cook them a nice meal.
  7. Tell a joke and laugh your butts off.
  8. Clean.
  9. Write a love letter to a loved one.
  10. Give them a cherished book.
  11. Bake cookies.
  12. Praise them publicly.
  13. Thank them for a job well done.
  14. Listen.
  15. Be there when they’re in need.
  16. Give a free hug.
  17. Spend time with them, having fun.
  18. Do errands or chores for them.
  19. Say I love you.
  20. Help them get ahead.
  21. Be proud of them.
  22. Babysit if they need it.
  23. House sit if they need it.
  24. Buy them movie tickets.
  25. Create a care package.
  26. Coffee. Mmmm.
  27. List the things you love about them.
  28. Secretly leave them thank you notes.
  29. Give a back rub when appropriate.
  30. Deliver a nice lunch to them when they’re having a rough day.
  31. Love them, completely.
  32. Be happy yourself.

Saturday, 20 December 2008

Artwork/£10 and noisy belly!

Ok so again im stumped for a title(will do it at the end), not had a very productive day. I had the worst stomache ache ever last night and well to say it fell outta me was an understatment (sorry to be so bold), but this morning as soon as i awoke my stomach started making strange noises and has done ever since.. Think i may have a bug, i cant starve myself though as than can kick off my anxiety and id rather have a noisy belly than that!
So i went out today just up to my local shopping centre- its not massive but its adequate and i feel comfortable going there. I bought a few things, Danny got some Xmas presents bought- However i cannot tell what as he may read this, i also bought my Dad some things, Oh and i also got some miniture benetton perfumes in Superdrug, 5mls each for £1 a bottle and they were 3 for 2!! BARGAIN!

Called at Danny's Dad and i had to put the lottery on for him, he best let me know if he wins the millions, i want some.... who wouldnt!
I put all my mums/dads/sister/brother presents into a big bag which it filled- there spoilt!!

Ooops forgot to also say i started doing a water-painting last night of Heidi and its brilliant- i never draw btw and was crap at art in school, but i am well chuffed with this work of art. Will upload a pic when its done..

Anyway back to today.. well not much else to tell, my neighbours husband went into Hospital as he wasnt feeling too good, his Oxygen is low apparently, bless as he is 77 and his wife was upset and she is a lovely woman.
She was going to get the bus up to the hospital as she had to take his PJ's in so i gave her £10 and told her to get a taxi- god bless her...... Plus if im honest i wanted to do something good, specially at this time of year.
So yes tonight im just going to chill out, its 8.35 now so i'll go watch some TV, then do my usual relaxation routine.. (I will tell you about that tomorrow)
xxx

Thought of the day: Its the little things you do in life that get you the furthest in life...

Friday, 19 December 2008

Introducing,inspirations and Insecurities...

Ok so this is my 1st post, and well im just going to type without too much thought, do what comes naturally i guess then read back at the end and give it an appropriate title to fit...
So i better introduce myself incase you aint read my boring about me part.... My name is Emma, im 25 and from Merseyside in the UK (a cold place i tell ya), so i was inspired by someone who shares some of the same burdens as me to start this "blogging" so i guess i best thank her as this could be very theraputic... here is hoping.... Those burdens i talk about are panic attacks/anxiety, im sure i will talk more about them as i go along as that will be the main structure of my blogs but i will talk random stuff aswell...
The high-lighted word mean something personal to me and will each time, only i will know the true meaning of them, yet i may share them with you one day..

Thought of the day: Whats shows on the outside doesnt always appear the same on the inside...