Health,Appearance and Cleavage!

Today i go out for the 3rd time with my CBT Therapist, its going well, altho ive not had a true test yet- just taking small baby steps.
Had a bit of a mixed emotion week, ive been a bit paranoid over my health, just general worrying, but magnify that by 10x in my own head.
Although ive also picked my self up in regards to how i feel overall, ive been making an effort to dress better, as i find when i have my "bad weeks", i dress like such a tramp! Ie: Tracksuit bottoms/3 quater pants, and i just look like ive made no effort at all and would realy fit in with the tramps in town, all id need is a bottle of wine (haha). So out come my tight tops, high waisted jeans, and killer high heels and i feel much better. I also crimped my hair this week- Pic Above.
Wicked or what!! <3
Oh and 10/10 for my above cleavage- if anything is good about putting weight on, its that my bangers go massive :)

Word for word..

I have pinched this off someone elses blog as i feel i could have written it myself - altho i have changed a few words to fit myself.....

Thanks to the person who i pinched it off, you know who you are. (I wont make it public unless you want me to), xxx.

I DISLIKE MYSELF (ugly, fat, cellulite, horrible person, scarred, agoraphobic, mental health problems) > FRUSTRATED (because i hate my life/myself, but too scared to change) > ANGRY (because i am stuck like this and that i can't seem to improve, so i start projecting my anger outwards) > SCARED (that Danny will leave me if i dont get better) > INSECURE (that Danny will leave me because i am all of these things above) > JEALOUS (of gorgeous women that he comes in contact with) > UNTRUSTING (why would he remain faithful when i am such a fucking digusting/horrible/ugly bitch- Altho this one isnt to bad as if he ever did this i would string him up by his bolloks) > DISLIKE MSYSELF.....

It's a fuck off huge vicious cycle.

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Odd Attack

Last night around 10.30pm i had an attack, this was odd because of a few reasons.

1) I was just listening to the radio when it happened, but i was listening to a tragic story so maybe thats what triggered it??
2) It was the same as per usual- shakes etc but i didnt feel 100% afraid as i usually do, but 90%- You prob wont get that but i do..
3) Im convinced i need a new mattress as mine is far to hard and gives me NO comfort!
4) I only had my last attack 2 weeks ago- i shouldnt have had one for at least another 2 weeks!
5) Im also beginning to see a pattern, its weekends when i have my attacks FRI-SUN, not in the week.

ODD!!

Attack.....

I had a full on attack last night- lasted around 2 1/2 hours.

Usual effects- shakes/sweats and shits. lol.

Started at 10.15 ended around 12.30-1pm.

Think i also know my trigger.........

Feeling ok today, again i will now allow myself to dwell on it...